The Celestia vs The World: RANDOMNESS!
by Xen Kenshin
Summary: A companion fic to the main story; "The Celestia vs The World: ATAD" This story's main purpose is to conserve room within the actual plot/ storyline. Will be updated when it's updated. All characters have been cleared for usage as per the original storyline and for use within this work.
1. Chapter 1

The Celestia vs The World

RANDOMNESS!

_Because I had to get these ideas out of my head, and you could use a good laugh!_

The Green Drifter Chapter

Xen: Good...whatever time of day it is in your time zone... ladies and gentlemen! Today I present to you the very first chapter of 'The Celestia vs. The World – RANDOMNESS!' Joining me today is someone I know almost as well as myself, Jake...whatever the heck his last name is!

Jake: So much for knowing me as well as you know yourself... Wait, why am I sitting in the middle of a pool? (looks down at the random lily pad floating in the water) And on a chair with _wheels?_

Xen: That brings us to today's topic! Here in my hand I have several letters from our fans that I have forged! Jake, are you willing to answer these questions?

Jake: Like hell I am! Get me out of this chair or I'll- (the lily pad shifts, causing the chair to roll towards the pool) When was I tied down? All right, I'll answer them! (The chairmagically returns to the starting position)

Xen: Wonderful! The first question if from... 'Jakefangirl101'.

Jake: (with optimism) This sounds promising.

Xen: "Dear Jake, would you go out with me? I'm a year younger than you and I just LOVE" – and she capitalized that, folks – "the color green! Plus, I think you're really cute." (sniffs the envelope) And she even sprayed it with perfume! Jake, you dog you!

Jake: Ah, well... that's sweet and all, and thanks for the compliment but – wait a sec. Xen, didn't you say that you _forged_ all of these- (the lily pad shakes violently) Sure, we can date sometime! Call me! (the shaking stops)

Xen: Well well, what do you know? Our first letter and there's already love in the air! (tosses the letter into a shredder) Okay, question nuuuuuuuumber two! (rips open the letter and reads it) Uh-oh...

Jake: (sounding a bit queasy) I don't like the sound of that 'uh-oh'.

Xen: This letter is from 'Concerned Parent'...

Jake: (still a bit queasy) Are they concerned about my safety?

Xen: Well, no. The letter goes like this: "Dear Jake, back in chapter one 'Perfect OTK At The Docks', you kissed Lily, a seven year old child on the forehead. Don't you think that's conveying the wrong message to your readers?"

(A moment of silence passes)

Xen: This parent has a point, dude. I mean, it was a bit strange of you to do something so suddenly.

Jake: (glaring at the distant side of the pool where Xen's booth is) What can I say; it's like I had no control over my own actions.

Xen: So you lost yourself in the heat of the moment?

Jake: What?

Xen; I mean, we all have some type of -

Jake: No, you idiot! What I meant was you're the one who- (a humming sound starts up without warning) What is that sound?

Xen: The wave generator.

Jake: Oh. (beat) Wait, as in the machine that simulates waves in an otherwise calm pool?

Xen: Yep.

Jake: Oh. OH SH- (a wave crashes against the lily pad, nearly flipping it over) Augh! Now my clothes are all soaked!

Xen: Jake, answer the question please.

Jake: I already di- (the humming starts up again) I mean... that girl is kind of like the little sister I never had; and older brothers have to show their affection somehow, right? (the humming stops)

Xen: Well, I hope that answers your question, 'Concerned Parent'. Moving right along to question numero tres! (eats the second envelope while opening the third)

Jake: ...Did you just-

Xen: Shh. Now you've got to answer this question from 'NoobPwn3r'. (sighs heavily) Why is there someone who _always _uses that name? "D3ar Jak3, I wuz wund3rin', y do u w3ar so much gr33n? I m3an, ur hair and 3y3s r gr33n, ur shirts r gr33n, ur Du3l Run3r is gr33n and l3t's fac3 it; ur und3rw3ar is gr33n too."

Jake: How the hell does that guy know my underwear is green?

Xen: The role-play on the forum. And my forum is linked on my profile.

Jake: Oh. Well, not every pair is green. Some of them are black – that's beside the point! First off, my physical appearance doesn't count as me _wearing_ green. If it did, that would also mean that Recuk wears a lot more white than he does black. And that guy wears a lot of...

Xen: Why'd you stop speaking?

Jake: Wasn't I just with Recuk a few seconds ago? Leaving Tem and Matt's apartment building?

Xen: (poker face) Nope. I don't have a clue as to what you're speaking about.

Jake: But-

Xen: Next question! (NoobPwne3r's letter suffer a bad case of spontaneous combustion) "Dear Jake, (mumbles a bit) whoa, sorry 'Craving Attention'; I can't read this one out loud! But the answer is no – Jake doesn't like women who wear excessive make up...or hitting females. Well, I know the first one is a definite no, anyway.

Jake: (sweat drops) Next question?

Xen: Yep. "Dear Jake, how long did it take you to build Equinox?"(looks the letter over) huh, that's it? 'Craving Attention's' letter was two whole pages. (throws both into the air and shoots them with a 12 gauge shotgun)

Jake: Whoa! Guns? In a Yu-Gi-Oh! related work?

Xen: Have you _read _the Manga?

Jake: It took me almost eight years, not including all of the add-ons; be they intentional or repairs from various accidents

Xen: Yeah yeah, that's great and all. (rips the letter in half) This one's from 'Anon E. Mus'. Heh, real clever name there, buddy. "Dear Jake, just what is your grudge against Eagle D. Iniquity? Let me guess, he killed your father?"

Jake: (silence)

Xen: Not even gonna bother with this one, are ya?

Jake: (shakes head no)

Xen: Well then, moving on... (places the letter back into the envelope then pulls it out again) This one is from-

Jake: I'm calling bull on that one!

Xen: Nani?

Jake: What?

Xen: Quit copying me.

Jake: (deadpan expression) Anyway... I said nothing about you eating one of the letters; I didn't question the letter that was napalmed while it was _still in your hand_. And I left the letter you ripped in half alone. But you just magically got a new letter by placing the old one into its original envelope? How is that even possible?

Xen: I'm the goddamn Kaiba man?

Jake: (hangs his head) Just get this over with already.

Xen: 'FanfictionGirl' asks: "Dear Jake, who does Xen have lined up for being paired with either you or Matt because-" (stops reading out loud)

Jake: (voice trembling in borderline terror) I don't like it when you stop reading so abruptly. That's never a good sign.

Xen: Oh, sorry. I jumped the gun on that one! Never mind, false alarm. Anyhow, 'FanfictionGirl' wants to know who you're interested in.

Jake: Interested in?

Xen: Yeah. If you have any romantic female interests? (glances at the letter) At least, I hope she implied female...

Jake: Girls? The only females I've seen since this story started are the hotel clerk at the desk in the introduction.

Xen: Oh yeah, the one who told you about the tournament in the first place. She was a nice plot device.

Jake: Lily, who we've already established is pretty much a little sister figure – not to mention way. Too. Young.

Xen: He's making sure that's clear here and now, folks!

Jake: And Evelyn Baldwin, Lily's 'imposter' mother. And I don't find her attractive – her eyes nearly scared the crap out of me.

Xen: Huh. You'd think with fifty one percent of the populace being female there would be more options...

Jake: Y'know...you _do _have the power to change that...

Xen: Well, Jakefangirl101, it looks like you can have him all to yourself! (Throws FanfictionGirl's' letter into the water causing it to...evaporate? What in the...?)

Jake: It's a sad day when even the description can't handle the absence of logic.

Xen: Ignoring my violation of all scientific physics, let's get on with the final question! (draws an envelope from the duel disk on his left arm)

Jake: ...please tell me this is the last one?

Xen: (checks his deck zone) Yep. This is the last one, and it's from someone by the name of 'Mr. Kenshin'.

Jake: Of all the...

Xen: "Dear Jake, would you be able to tell find out when chapter five is expected to come out-" (crumples up the letter) Well, that's all the time we have!

Jake: Hey, don't ignore that one question! I want to know the answer to that too, Xen!

Xen: Seeing as how this is the end of this chapter, it's time for Jake to say goodbye! (presses a button on his duel disk)

Jake: Goodbye? Why am I saying good- (the chair begins to rumble before shooting skyward like a rocket) byyyyyyyyyyyyyyye!

Xen: Thanks for reading today, folks. And if you're upset that this _isn't_ plot related, feel free to keep that part out of the review! I'm just joking of course; let me know if you want to see some more randomness in the in-between time of updates. I've got a lot more forged fan-mail where that came from!

With An Empty Box Of Corn Flakes,

Xen Kenshin


	2. Chapter 2

The Celestia vs The World

RANDOMNESS!

Xen: This is Halloween! This is Halloween! Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween! Well, it's actually November, but it's the spirit that counts! And speaking of Spirits... (claps hands and a **Dark Magician** costume appear) Welcome to the Halloween chapter of 'The Celestia vs. The World: RANDOMNESS!'

Other Xen: That's right; you asked for it and here it is! I hope all of you-

Xen: Wait just one minute, who the heck are you?

Other Xen: I'm you.

Xen: Since when are there two of me?

Other Xen: Since you became the Xen Magician.

Xen Magicican: But I'm not the… hey! You can't just change my name like that!

Other Xen: Ah, but I did. And I think I'll be taking over this Halloween chapter as well. Goodbye, Other Xen.

Other Xen: Wait, I'm not the Xen Magician anymore? I kind of liked- what do you mean 'Other Xen?' I'm the original – hey! Don't you dare start the chapte-

**Chapter 2 – Trick or Treat!**

_The scene opens with Jake and Recuk standing inside of a costume shop near the cashier. Bishop is making rounds, looking for an outfit. He gets help from an aisle worker and takes the recommended costume into the changing room._

Jake: That's a first. Xen seemed to open this chapter with a 'At Rise of Curtain' usually found in plays.

Recuk: Well, the previous chapter was written in pay format, so it was only logical for him to- wait, why am I here?

Jake: Because Xen would tie me to another chair rocket if I didn't bring you along.

Recuk: No, I knew that.

Jake: (bitterly) Gee, thanks for being worried about me.

Recuk: (ignoring Jake) What I meant was why am I here, looking for a costume?

Jake: Because Bishop and I wanted to get free candy. Actually, all I want is some gummy candy. Preferably from the 'Chewiest' brand name.

Recuk: Still, that doesn't explain why _I'm _here. You two are the ones that wanted the candy.

Jake: Every comedy requires a straight man, Recuk. And you're just the over-analytical, stoic typically non humorous guy for the job.

Recuk: (sarcastically) No need to mince words, Jake.

Jake: (ignoring Recuk's sarcasm) I know.

Bishop: (emerging from the changing room) Hey guys, do these cat eras make my head look big?

Jake and Recuk: (look to one another before stifling laughter)

Bishop: Shut up; **Rescue Cat** was the last Beast-Type duel monster costume they had in stock.

Jake: It's just…so small on you. (snickers)

Recuk: It…could be worse. (smirks)

Bishop: Whatever. You're next, Recuk.

Recuk: Let's just get this over with… (walks past Bishop towards the cashier)

Jake: That's the spirit, Recuk! And how you avoid Xen's wrath.

Bishop: (looking over the costume) Oh hey, a whistle! (blows into it)

Jake: Ii it broken?

Bishop: (shrugs and blows into again) Seems like it.

Jake: (Smiling) Maybe there's a **Skill Drain** on the field, preventing you from Special Summ-

Bishop: (sternly) I'll kill you, rider of Twilight.

Jake: (smile vanishes) Never mind.

_The two watch Recuk walk into the changing room without a costume_

Jake: That's odd…

Bishop: Maybe he mistook it for a restroom?

Jake: . . . (watching an aisle worker walk towards the changing room with a large black bag)

Bishop: (also notices) How'd he get a costume so quickly?

Jake: (shrugs and goes to the front door. Looks out of the window) There are a lot of trick-or-treaters tonight. I hope there's some gummy candy left when we get out there.

Bishop: You really love that stuff, huh?

Jake: More than you love meat.

Bishop: (skeptically) I doubt that. Hey, Recuk's coming out.

Jake: (nods)

_Resuck emerges from the changing room dressed in his new costume._

Bishop: Hey, how the heck did you get that awesome costume?!

Recuk: The clerk told me to wait in the changing room while they brought this out for me.

Jake: (turning to face Recuk) Whoa! Nice **Fabled Soulkius** outfit, Recuk.

Bishop: (jealously) He got it 'cuz he's Recuk Revajik.

_The three hear a voice call Recuk back towards the changing room_

Recuk: (smiling) The clerk probably wants an autograph (looks at the two, his smile dropping) Or something. (leaves)

Jake: That costume fits Recuk-

Bishop: In more ways than one.

Jake: Can I _finish_ my own-

Bishop: Sentence? Sure, why not? (grins)

Jake: (narrows his eyes) Your whistle's broken.

Bishop: (becoming sad) I know… (sighs) Maybe I'll get a replac- Oh. My. GAWD!

Jake: Holy Incan Gods… that. Is. Hilarious!

Recuk: (walking towards the other two) It seems as though someone else reserved that costume.

Bishop: And then you chose…._THAT?!_ (Holds in laughter)

Recuk: It was the only thing left in my size…

Jake: But…**The Shinning Friendship** of all things? (covers his mouth) It uh… could be worse?

_Both Bishop and Jake fall to the floor in laughter_

Recuk: (silent)

Bishop and Jake: Ow, my sides! It's so….ha- ha ha!

Recuk: Can't the two of you be mature for even a minute?

Jake: (standing up and clearing his throat) Sorry… it was just too much to bear.

Bishop: (still laughing and rolling. His cat ears come off) (teasingly)You look adorable, Recuk!

Recuk: (annoyed) There's a big ball of twine in the back if you're interested, Bishop.

Bishop: (stops laughing abruptly and stands) Not cool, man.

Recuk: (motioning to Jake) Please just get your outfit so we can leave.

Jake: (biting his lips to hide a smile) You got it…pfft.

_Jake walks towards the clerk, leaving Recuk and Bishop side by side._

Bishop: So…

Recuk: (nods)

Bishop: (clears his throat)

Recuk: . . .

Bishop: How's…life?

Recuk: I'm dressed as **The Shinning Friendship** and standing next to an ear-less **Rescue Cat**. You tell me.

Bishop: (retrieves his cat ears from the ground) Lighten up, it's Halloween!

Recuk: It's November.

Bishop: Didn't Xen go over this in the opening?

Recuk: Speaking of Xen, wasn't he supposed to have questions for us?

Bishop: Holiday season has priority over that, I guess.

Recuk: Ah. (beat) Does the Black Tempest celebrate the holidays?

Bishop: Yeah; but we duel amongst ourselves to decide who has to do what. What about the Riders?

Recuk: We try too; the Riders aren't exactly financially stable. But it's the spirit that matters.

Bishop: Ah. Seems commendable.

Recuk: Yeah.

_Silence_

Recuk: What's taking Jake so long?

Jake: (off-stage) What do you mean you don't have it in green?!

Clerk: (off-stage) No one would carry a green **Gaia Knight, The Force of Earth** costume!

Bishop: That answers your question?

Recuk: All too well, actually.

Bishop: (looks around) Where are the Urakis?

Recuk: Well…

_The scene switches to the Uraki residence._

Matt: They ruined the order!

Tem: Well Matt…it could be worse?

Matt: How could the costume company confuse my order for two **Marauding Captain** outfits for one **Gemini Elf** costume?!

Tem: **Gemini Elf?** Maybe it can't get worse…

Matt: Don't worry Tem, your big brother had a back-up just in case something like this happened.

Tem: Alright! Are we going to be two members of **Goblin Attack Force?** Oh, maybe **Gearfried The Iron Knight** and **Gearfried the Swordmaster?**

Matt: Even better! We're going to be two **Kuriboh** tokens!

Tem: . . .

Matt: Tem?

Tem: (unenthusiastically) Yaaay…

_The scene returns to Bishop and Recuk_

Bishop: Harsh.

Recuk: (nods)

Jake: (off stage) You don't even have **Kuriboh** token costumes?

Clerk: (off stage) We sold the last two a few hours ago!

Bishop: If that don't beat it all…

Recuk: This is just unbelievable.

_A few minutes pass, and the two see Jake slip into the changing room_

Recuk: Why was his costume bag so small?

Bishop: It looked like folded clothes were in there.

Jake: (emerging from the changing room) Go ahead and laugh.

Bishop: What in the name of Ra are you wearing on your head? Oh!

Recuk: (covering his face) Oh my goodness.

Jake: They ran out of duel monsters outfits.

Bishop: So they threw together…that?

Jake: Hey, it's a legitimate costume!

Recuk: That looks about two sizes too small.

Jake: Well, the Yugi Motou outfits they made in Adult sizes couldn't be too big or else it'd ruin the effect.

Bishop: You were going for an effect? Maybe **Skill Drain** really is-

Jake: (lethally) Remember that you're out numbered, Bishop.

Recuk: (clearing his throat) Now that we've got our costumes, can we go?

Jake: Yeah, let's get out of here before the clerk finds that Mai Valentine outfit…

Bishop: Mai Valentine?! Where?

Recuk: (groans)

_The three leave and go from door to door for a few hours. People obviously laugh at the trio, and Recuk may never be able to live down his costume…_

Jake: (happily) At least I got some gummy candy.

Bishop: (in amazement) I can't believe that nice old lady really gave me a piece of ham!

Recuk: (seething) I despise camera phones.

?: Is that who I think it is? Look at what you idiots are wearing!

Jake: I'd recognize that voice anywhere.

Bishop: Rena Iniquity.

Recuk: (with disdain) Oh joy…

Rena: (enters from stage right, dressed as **Wingweaver**) Hey guys. (sees their costumes and holds in laughter)Nice outfits.

Recuk: (holding his forehead) Your sarcasm is well appreciated, Rena.

Jake: Whoa, Rena, great costume!

Rena: (upset) You can guess who bought it and made me wear it.

Bishop: Really? Eagle enjoys Halloween?

Rena: He probably cares more about public appearances. That's probably the same reason why he's throwing a huge party at that mansion on the top of the hill in the old cemetery.

Jake: Isn't that disrespectful to those who've passed on?

Bishop: As well as a violation of State Law?

Recuk: And one of the most overused clichés in the history of media?

Rena: (to Jake) The original cemetery was already relocated, (to Bishop) Eagle paid off the right people and (to Recuk) did you expect anything else from Xen on such short notice?

Bishop, Jake, Recuk: Makes sense.

Rena: Anyway, are you guys going or not?

Jake: Sure.

Rena: Nothing better to do, huh? Come this way.

Recuk: (borderline anger) Who said Jake spoke for all of us?

Bishop: (condescendingly) Did you have anything better to do today?

Recuk: (matter-of-factly) Yes, actually.

Bishop: (discreetly) Something that wasn't canon to the original story?

Recuk: (sighs) Come on, Bishop…

_The four arrive at the mansion; there's loud music coming from inside and Halloween decorations are everywhere._

Rena: These three are with me.

Bouncer: (pointing to the half-open doors) Go right ahead.

Jake: Nice **Big Shield Gardna** costume.

Bouncer: I'm **Mid-Shield Gardna**…

Bishop: Well, you're big enough to be both of them!

Bouncer: (looks to Rena) You sure they're with you?

Rena: Unfortunately.

Recuk: I'm actually by myself.

Bouncer: Recuk Revajik? Go right in. I love your costume, by the way.

Recuk: (sincerely) Thank you.

Bouncer: You make a good **Skeleangel**.

Recuk: (slaps his forehead) I'll just go in now…

Bishop, Jake, Rena: (laughter)

_Inside…_

Jake: There's a punch bowl. And little chocolate dirt-graves with hard-candy tombstones!

Bishop: One thing I have to give to Eagle; he can throw a party!

Jake: Are those little worms coming out of the dirt?

Rena: Yeah, gummy worms.

Jake: (laves before saying his line)

Recuk: He's going to be up all night now, thanks to the sugar rush…

Bishop: I smell food! Meat food!

Rena: The table in the back. There's tons of everything on it.

Bishop: (leaves before Rena finishes her line)

Rena: (to Recuk) How do you deal with those two idiots?

Recuk: Why would be a better question.

Rena: Okay, then why?

Recuk: Unfortunately, I don't have a better answer…

_Silence_

Rena: You make an excellent straight man.

Recuk: So I've been told.

Rena: (noticing someone coming through the main entrance) Oh no. Why did _he _have to come here?

Recuk: (cautiously) Who? Your father?

Rena: Eagle 'Dumb' Iniquity? He's already here-

Recuk: (shocked yet restrained) He is?

Rena: (not hearing Recuk) I meant that idiot

_Camera pans over-_

Recuk: Wait, _camera_? Since when did we use cameras in…why do I even bother?

_Camera pans over to Toshiro making his way towards Recuk and Rena_

Toshiro: I thought I recognized you Re- (looks Recuk over) Sorry, wrong person.

Rena: No, it's Recuk.

Toshiro: (skeptically scans Recuk's costume) Can't be.

Rena: (Nods)

Toshiro: No way… Recuk?

Recuk: In the flesh. Unfortunately.

Toshiro: (covers his mouth with his fist, faking a cough) I'll uh… just go this way (walks away snickering)

Rena: Wow. That was-

Recuk: So much for "I'm just here to duel Recuk Revajik"

Rena: Can you even use your duel disk in that ridiculous thing?

Recuk: (glares at Rena)

Rena: Just asking. Sheesh.

?: Ladies and Gentlemen, may you please direct your attention to the central stage?

Rena: Larva…

Recuk: Who?

Rena: Eagle's toady.

Recuk: Toady? Isn't that being a bit offensive, even for – (sees Larva) Never mind, he does look like a toad. And the costume doesn't help.

Rena: There's not much difference between normal Larva and **UniToad** Larva.

Larva: We are gathered here today-

?: Wrong speech, toad-freak.

Rena: That voice…

Recuk: Two reveals in the same Act?

Larva: Blast you, insolent woman! I am the one our Master-

?: Yeah yeah yeah, whatever. (the female walks onstage dressed as the **Dark Magician Girl**)

Rena: It is her!

Recuk: Her outfit seems…altered.

Bishop: (emerging from behind Rena) (sees the woman on stage and whistles) Yeah! That's how you put the dark in **Dark Magician Girl**!

Jake: (behind Bishop) What's all the comm – oh. (sees the woman on stage) Oh my. (clears throat) Are there children here?

Rena: Nada…

Nada: Alright listen up nerds and dorks-

_Crispin, dressed as the __**Flame Champion**__ steps into the clearing near the stage_

Crispin: You're wearing a costume, too!

Nada: Yes, but which one of us looks better in theirs?

Crispin: (falls silent)

Nada: I can't hear you…

Crispin: You do…

Nada: Exactly. Now, as I was saying, let's give it up for the guy who's throwing this party…Eagle D. Iniquity! (points off-stage)

Crowd: (cheering)

Jake: (startled) Eagle?!

Bishop: (excited) Here?

Recuk: (calm) I didn't see that coming.

?: Ladies and gentlemen!

Rena: That's not Eagle's voice…

_Enter a male dressed as __**Demise, King of Armageddon**_

?: My name is Johann Faust, and I am here to-

Crispin: Johann? How'd you get up there?

Johann: With the power of demons on your side, anything is possible!

?: I couldn't agree, more.

_Everyone looks back at the main entrance, shocked to see a figure standing there._

Recuk: **Fabled Soulkius?! **

Rena: No, that's Eagle D. Iniquity in costume!

Jake: That's a costume?! If I didn't know any better-

Bishop and Jake: I'd think that was the real thi- Damn it Biship, stop it!

Recuk: . . .

Bishop: (laughing) Man, this is fun!

Jake: Can anyone see any of his facial features?

Everyone: No.

Jake: Of course not…

Eagle: Who's enjoying the party?

Everyone, excluding main cast: (Raises their hand)

Eagle: Good. I hope those of you who are indulging in alcoholic beverages have designated drivers, or taxis awaiting you when you disembark?

Everyone intoxicated: Yes…

Random Guy: N- (hiccups) No!

Eagle: Larva, make sure that man gets taken care of.

Larva: (smiling darkly) Yes sir. Right away-

Eagle: As in taken home.

Larva: Oh. (Disappointed) Oh.

Eagle: Enjoy the party, and have a good night.

Everyone, excluding main cast: Bye Eagle! And thanks for the party!

Eagle: (mysteriously vanished)

Random girl: That was awesome!

Jake: Huh…Eagle seemed…pretty…. Normal.

Bishop: (mouth full of meat) Yup.

Recuk: I can't believe that Eagle was the one who reserved the **Fabled Soulkius** costume…

Bishop: I can't believe that you two wear the same size!

Recuk: (quietly) It _did_ feel a little too large…

Jake: Well, that was… (at a loss for words) I don't even know what that was…

Rena: So he just came to check up on things? What a… (leaves, grumbling obscenities)

Johann: Now, back to the demon thing.

Nada: Security.

_Two security guards drag Johann off-sage_

Nada: Well, I did my job. Time to get out of this ridiculous outfit. (walks off stage)

Larva, several male party goers: Need a hand?

_A microphone from offstage hits him square in the face_

Larva: Guess not. (walks the opposite way off stage holding his nose

Jake: Well, this whole thing seemed…pointless.

Recuk: Did you expect anything else?

Bishop: (angrily) Yeah! (sadly) There was no fish served here…

Recuk: That's it! I'm done. I could handle the so called 'randomness' but what kind of plot twist was Eagle having a costume that should have _obviously _been mine?! (walks off)

Bishop: Recuk wait! (hiccups) You're my designated driver! (runs after Recuk)

_The party goers leave the stage area. Jake now stands alone._

Jake: Well, I had my fill of gummy candy. I can call it a night.

_A hand taps Jake on the shoulder._

Jake: Ye- holy –

_Jake is dragged offstage by a tall, slender fellow dressed in a suit_.

Jake: (off stage) But I though Slender only went after children!

**Fin**

"Xen": And that's our Halloween chapter. I hoped you guys enjoyed it – actually, I don't. You know what, I don't care about your opinions; I write this crap and it's _your_ job to read and review no matter how terrible you think my work is, or how busy you are with your so called 'lives! All shall bow before my might! (maniacal laughter)

?: No one address my fanbase like they rule the world! No one but me, that is!

_Xen, dressed as the __**Dark Magician **__walks on stage_

Xen: I'm here to take back what's rightfully mine!

"Xen": Oh yeah, you and what army?

Xen: This one. (points over his shoulder to an assortment of Spellcaster-Type monsters lead by **Endymion, The Master Magician**)

"Xen": That's a good army.

Endymion, The Master Magician: You know it.

"Xen": I think I'll just return from whence I came…

Xen: (grinning triumphantly) You do that.

Endymion: And never return!

"_Xen" dissipates in a plume of smoke_

Endymion: Well done, **Dark Magician.**

Xen: Huh? Oh yeah, I'm still wearing this. (removes his costume)

Endymion: An imposter!

Spellcasters: Get him!

Xen: Uh-oh! This must be Karma for what I did to Jake last chapter! (Dodges a fireball) I hope you enjoyed the chapter as much as I enjoyed writing- ah that staff is sharp! (runs off stage getting chased by Spellcasters) Leave a review!


	3. Chapter 3

The Celestia vs The World

RANDOMNESS!

Xen: It's December, so you know what that means; The Thanksgiving Chapter! Hey, I'm a busy guy, so getting to these lower-priority chapters aren't exactly…well, my top priority.

Xen: Now, I'm not gonna lie to you guys; unlike the two previous Random chapters, I have absolutely no idea what kind of an idea or in-theme thing I'll be doing. I may just have to Turkey wing it. See what I did there? Also, fair warning; I'm in a crud mood topped with a heart-skipped-a-beat-oh-yes-baby! Mood so…CRACK FIC TIME!

**The setting is underneath a highway overpass. Underneath a highway overpass? Yeah sure, why not.**

_We join Tem Uraki in the middle of a duel against…a giant…turkey…_

Tem: You're about as surprised as I am…

_Well… I've seen some things in my day as a scene-setter, but this one takes the forklift._

Tem: Don't you mean cake?

_*sarcastically* Yes I mean cake, since I can obviously lift a two ton crate full of set supplies with a pastry!_

Tem: I'm dueling against a giant turkey with all the trimmings. And losing. Nothing surprises me anymore.

_Good point. Carry on._

Tem: Unfortunately…. *turns to face the turkey* It's my move! I'll draw-

Turkey: My trap card activates; **Drop Off!**

_Whoa, the turkey talks?!_

Turkey: Of course I do. And my name is Turk.

_That's…nice. Although I was expecting some form of pun or bad joke._

Tem: It's from Turkey. And it's trying to escape from a cannibal turkey.

_A turkey from Turkey? Xen could've done worse-_

Tem: _Cannibal_. Meaning it's a turkey that eats turkeys. And the cannibal turkey is from Hungary.

_Wow Xen. That's…lame._

Xen: Shut up or you're fired!

_*silcence*_

Xen: Works everytime.

Tem: Can I get back to this duel?

Xen: What? Oh yeah, don't let me stop you.

Tem: *sends the card he drew to the graveyard* I'll just normal summon my **Marauding…Pilgrim?!**

_Marauding Captain takes the field, dressed up as a pilgrim._

Tem: Of all the…

Xen: Use **Marauding Pilgrim's **special ability!

Tem: *grumbling* I'll special summon one level four or lower Warrior-Type monster from my hand. C'mon out… **Mystic Swordsman Level Fork?!**

_Mystic Swordsman LV4 appears next to the cos-playing Captain wielding a giant fork and bib._

Tem: Now, I'll have my Captain –

Turkey: Captain?

Tem: *groans* Pilgrim… attack your face-down!

_Marauding Pilgrim raises its fruit horn and smashes the face-down hologram._

Turkey: You've attacked my **Morphing Jar of Gravy!**

Tem: For the love of…

Turkey: It's **Morphing Jar**, but with gravy!

_Both duelists have no hand so they only draw five cards_

Turkey: Activate Trap: **Drastic Drop off!**

Tem: *discards his whole hand* Geez, a whole hand? **Mystic Swordsman**, direct attack!

_Turkey: 3100 – 1900 = 1200_

Tem: I'll end my turn.

Turkey: Draw! *thinks for a moment* I'll bring out my **Giblet Trooper!** Now I can discard two cards and special summon one more! Now, I'll overlay my two level two** Giblet Troopers** in order to Xyz Summon-

Tem: Whoa. WHAT did you just say?

Turkey: ZeXal.

Xen: And I'm lame?!

Turkey: Anyway, here comes my **Gobble Gobble Gantetsu!**

_On Turkey's-_

Xen: Don't even bother.

_Oh thank you so much!_

Xen: Don't sweat it.

Turkey: I can now use my **Turkey Reborn** trap card and bring back my Xyz monster, **Thankskilling!**

Xen: Oh my goodness, what have I done?!

Turkey: And with its effect, I can remove the **Turkey Reborn **acting as Xyz material and return one Spell Card to my hand from my Graveyard.

Tem: You don't even HAVE hands!

Turkey: Now I'll activate the card I returned; **Poultry of Greed!**

Jake: Wait, wait, wait!

_The scene of Tem dueling a turkey slowly fades away and is replaced by Jake in Lily's room._

Tem: Oh god, yes! Thank you! This was getting out of hand.

_The scene is now completely focused on Jake and Lily_

Jake: You…really had a dream like that?

Lily: *nods*

Jake: But…you've never even _seen_ Tem before, let alone-

Lily: Randomness chapter.

Jake: Oh. Oh right. Well then, why don't I just start pulling in characters that have yet to be revealed in the fanfiction? *reasches hand out*

Lily: Because you'll violate the laws of Time, Space, Uniformity of Action, Uniformity of Plot and Uniformity of Time. Not to mention no one ould know who you're talking about.

Jake: *bluntly* Thanks, I get-

Lily: And that would make you a big dummy head.

Jake: I get it! So…why am I here again?

Lily: You were checking under my bed for monsters.

Jake: The only monsters that exist in this world are the ones on the cards.

Lily: What about Seto Kaiba's ego?

Jake: No Lily, that's just monster _sized_.

Lily: Still check, please?

Jake: *smiling* Fine. *bends down* I don't see – Holy sh-

_Jake is sucked under the bed. And for some reason, it sounded like slurping up a noodle._

Lily: Randomness chapter

_Right. That's reason enough for anything, isn't it?_

Lily: Pretty much. Well, good night.

_Aren't you worried about Jake?_

Lily: Meh. Either he'll defeat it, or it won't be hungry for a few days. It won't bother me either way.

_Wow. That's awfully cold of you._

Lily: Randomness chapter. Now go away.

_Will do. The scene switches to inside of…a stomach?_

Jake: Dang it.

?: You're not a turkey

Jake: I noticed. Wait, aren't you-

?: Eagle D. Iniquity. In the flesh.

Jake: How…you…here?

Eagle, Jake and Lily's voice-over: Randomness chapter

Jake: Right. So… what're you in for?

Eagle: For having a fowl name.

Jake: That was in terrible taste.

Eagle: I'd disagree; If I tasted bad, would I be in its stomach?

Jake: You're on a roll, aren't you?

Eagle: Not really. I was spread over a croissant.

Jake: Your jokes are corny.

Eagle: I'm much funnier in canon.

Jake: *disbelievingly* I'm sure.*stares at Eagle* How come I can't see you?

Eagle: Because you weren't around when my description was revealed in the fan fiction.

Jake: But...you canc learly see me!...I assume.

Eagle: You're a main character.

Jake: So are you!

Eagle: You serve as a main protagonist.

Jake: You serve as the main antagonist!

Eagle: You're one of Xen's submitted characters.

Jake: You are too!

Eagle: Your hair is green.

Jake: What does that have to do with-

Eagle: Randomness chapter.

Jake: Goddamn genre savy-ness...

Eagle: Yep. Well, I think it's time I get out of here.

Jake: Wait, this stomach has an exit?

Eagle: Two, actually. One way was the entrance...and the other exit is quite obvious.

Jake: IS there an alternate route out of here?

Eagle: Yes. This way *punches the internal lining of th estomach and it rips open* See? It's just composed of loose plot. Anything can easily punch a hole in it.

Jake: That's awfully literal...

_Eagle and Jake step through the stoamch, only to find that they have been miniaturized. Observing their surroundings, they find themselves on a table set up for Thanksgiving dinner. MAn, that food looks good._

Xen: *garbled food speech*

_Wow. It's a good thing no one understood that, or you'd would've been banned!_

Xen: *shrugs*

Jake: So...how do we get back to our normal sizes?

?: What in the...Jake?

Eagle: Why don't you ask him?

_Eagle and Jake look up to find Bishop staring down at them._

Bishop: Geez, you two are...wait, JAke, who's that?

Jake: Eagle D...I mean, Marco Polo?

Eagle: How do you do?

Bishop: *holding a script in his hands* Huh. A mini Eagle. I wonder...

_Bishop slams his fist atop of Eagle, causing the table to jump._

Jake: Oh my god! You just killed-

_Bishop's face fills with fear as his fist is lifted._

Eagle: *yawning into his free hand* Was that supposed to hurt?

Bishop: How are you...?

JAke: Randomness chapter

Eagle: No. It's the Conservation of Size law of physics... with a bit of manipulation.

Bishop: Duh. C'mon JAke, get with the program.

Jake: *silent*

_The door opens, and the rest of the cast enters._

Tem: ...and that's how I won! And now, we all get to eat thwo turkeys for thanks giving.

_Everyone looks at the turkeys, centerpieced amongst the food. One has a giant hole in the side, and the other is gone, save a skeleton. Hey! I didn't get a leg!_

Tem: What in the world?!

Eagle: Tat's odd, I was standing here the whole time...

Toshiro: You people can't even keep an eye on something dead and cooked...

Recuk: Why am I here again...?

JAke: Xen! Did you eat the turkey!

Xen: *burps* So much... pie...so little...time...

Jake: Well, Xen didn't eat it...

?: Gobble...*gobble* Gobble

_Is that someone...or something saying 'gobble' as well as 'gobbling' as they eat?_

Tem: It's the cannibal turkey! Everyone, run awa-

_From beneath the table emerges a turkey that stand eight feet in height and...damn, those are some juicy looking legs! Whoa; that this is muscular as all get out, too!_

Eagle: I believe that turkey has something of mine.

Bishop: Your wings?

_*silence*_

Bishop: Get it; cuz turkey wings...can...eagle... nevermind.

_Miniature Eagle leaps from the table and lands on the turkey's...what is that a stomach? I don't even... He raises his fist, and puches it. The tukey explodes, and everything get covered in gravy..._

Eagle: Well, my natural proportions have been returned to me.

Recuk: You're eight feet tall and three hundred pounds of solid muscle. What's natural about that?

Jake: Anyone else hear that?

Tem: Are those...sleigh bells?

Rena: Is Xen really that lazy?

Xen: Yep.

NAda: He's going to combine this crappy Thanksgiving randomness chapter with the 'supposedly' upcoming Christmas one?

Xen: Yep.

Matt: That's a disappointment Xen. I thought you had more talent than that...

Xen: Yep.

Jake: Does Xen sound a bit...mechanic?

Xen: Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yee... *explodes*

Toshiro: It's finally happened. Xen's exploded from the weight of it all.

_Enter Xen via chimeny dressed up as Santa Clause._

Xen: Santa Claws! *brandishes two of the equip spell card **Vicious Claw **on each hand*

Recuk: Oh my god...

Xen: Ho ho **Honest**! Merry-

JAke: I'd say that joke was in poor taste, but it was just tasteless.

Bishop: Well said, Jake.

Recuk: Will someone just end this already?!

Nada: I'm gone. *walks out the front door.*

Rena: So am I. *follows Nada*

Recuk: Oh? We can just leave? That's - *hits an invisible barrier* just...perfect.

Jake: Huh...odd. *walks through the doorway* Nothing's there for me.

Recuk: . . . *touches the barrier*

Bishop: Lemme try! Leeeeeeeeeroooooooy! *jumps through the doorway and lands in the snow* I'm okay!

Recuk: No, this can't be! *tries to push the bariier but to no avail*

Toshiro: I think I'll just take the back door. *exits stage right*

Recuk: *runs to follow Toshiro but hits another barrier*

Matt and Tem: We'll go up the chimeny. 'scuse us, Xen. *enter the chimeny. two metal doors close and the sound of an elevator rising is heard*

Recuk: *waits near the chimeny, but a series of...boulders come tumbling down, blocking his escape?!*

_Man, this series just hates you, Recuk..._

Recuk: Do you mind making me just...vanish out of here? And preferably make it so that I can never return?

_I'd love to, but... can't. Best of luck! *exits stage...somehow*_

Recuk: No! Don't leave me here with-

Xen: You can't escape because you lack the Christmas spirit!

Recuk: *in a desperate attmept to escape, he tackles Xen to the ground. There is struggling, and Recuk rises up swiftly with paper in his hands* Ah ha! I now hold the script!

Xen: Recuk, let's be reasonable, logical and respectful-

Recuk: Randomness chapter!

Xen: Even more reason to fear the consequences! Recuk, no!

Recuk* rips the script in ha-


End file.
